so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
