Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
