Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
