I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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