My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
