Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
