Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
