I hate your face
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
