I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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