just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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