you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
