Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
