Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
