I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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