i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
