i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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