i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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