so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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