We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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