i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
