What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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