I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
