i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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