Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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