Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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