Life is so much better after having sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
