Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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