Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
