What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
