I wish I only lived at night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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