Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
