I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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