My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
