her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He better not be in your backpack
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
