why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
