the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this will be a night to untag.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
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