he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
