There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
