First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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