OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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