I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
