he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
