Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
