I can tuck mytits in my pants
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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