Define "chronic" masturbator.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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