Define "chronic" masturbator.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
