Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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