Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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