Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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