i think my mom watched the whole time
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
