seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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