Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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