Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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