the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
