i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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