My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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