New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
