I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
